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In this era of crazed, critically crowded congregations of millions of Americans on national park land, who has time to watch television from the comfort of your home? That’s why I’ve volunteered my time to record this historic event as presented on television. Here we gooo!

11:20 a.m. … Jimmy Carter! George H.W. Bush! Bill Clinton! Trivia question—-what is the unifying trait of all these old white men?

11:25 a.m. … Now they trot all the kids out.

11:26 a.m. MALIA AND SASHA

11:27 a.m. … Laura Bush, the patron saint of putting up with a historic amount of bullshit and still appearing to be a really nice lady.

11:27 a.m. … Malia Obama‘s blue-and-black belted coat is fierce.

11:30 a.m. … If I were George W. Bush I would cry all the time. I would be so sad.

11:33 a.m. I would give an ovary to meet Michelle Obama.

11:34 a.m. … Sick of these Audi ads on my MSNBC live feed.

11:35 a.m. … This funny white man is president, what the, since when?

11:36 a.m. … In the grand tradition of only photographing Vice President cave monster Dick Cheney lurking behind other things, Cheney appears behind glass screen.

11:37 a.m. … Vice President Elect of my heart Joe Biden with his trademark smile!

11:39 a.m. … television reveals tons of people outside this thing

11:40 a.m. … D.C. might explode. BARACK H!

11:42 a.m. … “He’s like the biggest baller in history” —-an observer

11:43 a.m. … okay everybody sit down the president is becoming the president now.

11:44 a.m. … D.C. unrecognizable sea of humans

11:45 a.m. … why is Dianne Feinstein indicating that America usually passes power through military coup?

11:46 a.m. … Barack Obama first President elected in United States history

11:47 a.m. … RICK WARREN time! Sweet inaugural goatee dude

11:48 a.m. … God something something

11:46 a.m. … why is it that everybody chosen to speak before the inauguration makes sure to make it the weirdest most awkward event in American history

11:47 a.m. … so Rick Warren isn’t being offensive just kind of not making sense

11:49 a.m. … everyone is being totally morbid and negative all of a sudden after two years of the sexy Obama hope train

11:50 a.m. … Rick Warren: “Sassshhha”! Tight.

11:52 a.m. … Aretha is wearing the sweetest inauguration hat

11:53 a.m. … Look at that bow!

11:54 a.m. … I love how Barack Obama solemly observes all of this with the same facial expression

11:55 a.m. … Apparently channel 7 is inserting random photos of “America” in case you forgot what it looks like … the Golden Gate bridge!

11:56 a.m. … Biden takes over for Cheney before Obama takes over for Bush … Bush/Biden ’09

11:57 a.m. … Augh, they have to get Obama in before the clock strikes President!

11:58 a.m. … They should really have gotten the long-haired blue tuxedo dude from the Kentucky Inaugural Ball covering Jimmy Buffett to perform this

11:59  a.m. … I guess he was busy

12 noon. … MSNBC CNN identifies all the musicians and lists their ID as simply “musician.”  Thanks.

12:01 p.m. … Yo Yo Ma happy!

12:02 p.m. … Yo Yo Ma inaugural fantasy: “it would be awesome if 3 of his strings broke, and he just shrugged and then played the whole thing perfectly on one … or on his own hair.”

12:03 p.m. … George Bush appoints John Roberts who administers oath to Bush replacement … will the circle be unbroken?

12:04 p.m. … these dudes are totally choking!

12:05 p.m. … CANNONS

12:06 p.m. … Oh my god you guys I didn’t prepare a speech oh okay well I guess I can say a few words.

12:08 p.m. … Obama is being kind of a bummer.

12:09 p.m. … popping champagne in the coffee shop

12:10 p.m. … just got a Washington Post News Alert: Barack Obama Sworn in as U.S. President.

12:11 p.m. … Sound of crowd shakes television

12:13 p.m. … dreams of Obama’s father

12:17 p.m. … Obama frozen on my CNN feed.

12:18 p.m. … “slaughtering innocents” finally unacceptable under Obama administration

12:19 p.m. … Big ups to the nonbelievers

12:20 p.m. … Obama values builders over destroyers … better than uniter, not divider

12:21 p.m. … a bunch of national guard dudes hanging out outside my corner liquor store, 5-6 of them … waiting for what?

12:24 p.m. … First act as president pretty good.

12:25 p.m. … Okay, inaugural feed cut off at Big Bear Cafe, replaced by Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” & champagne.