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Intrepid Craigslist users seeking snow jobs—-or similar double entendres based upon sex terns and winter weather conditions, whatever, I’m new to this—-are covering the site with a soft blanket of snow-themed hook-up requests. These are their stories.
* In a piece titled “Snow…Ahhhh Yes….It’s Great Sex Weather,” a 49-year-old Sterling man is just looking for some great winter banging, “so no BS, alright??” If you agree that snow creates the perfect conditions for sex, this man is interested in interesting you “in a 100-night stand” (no men). Yeah, I’m pretty sure the snow will be gone by then.
* This 28-year-old D.C. woman is so pissed we all “had to come to work today!” that she’s chosen to squander her employer’s resources by posting dating ads on Craigslist. I, in turn, will squander my employer’s resources by re-posting her posting. Before wishing potential dates a “wonderful day!” and “happy snow to everyone,” the woman requests a “long-term” relationship with someone who retains “all your hair, and teeth and limbs…stuff like that.” Also, she’s “5’8″, so it would be nice if you were a little taller or else, that’s kind of weird?? I don’t know.” So, what are the ads that this lady is actually a randomly generated ad posted by an “escort service”?
* “I don’t want to sit up here and write an essay,” begins this 30-year-old poster, in an ad entitled “5 questions for u.” All he wants to do is ask you a few questions. They are:
1. Do u like a man to be your friend as well as ur lover 2. Do u like to do fun things with the person u are with 3. If a man gave u his heart to love would u take care of it 4. Are u tired of being alone 5. Can we get to know each other
Wow, those questions, which came suddenly to the poster while just “sitting here, looking at this snow,” certainly decrease in specificity and increase in desperation as they rage on. Whatever, “hopefully u will answer.”
* “Let it snow!” declares this 42-year-old man seeking man. Totally stealing my joke, he writes, “Nothing like a snow day…except a blow day.” Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a comedian when posting winter-themed sex ads.
Photos by Tambako the Jaguar