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As San Francisco Chronicle critic Peter Hartlaub deftly notes, “recent controversies made it more difficult for racier content to make it to your living room, starting with Janet Jackson‘s wardrobe malfunction during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show and an upside-down clown that appeared to drink beer from its anus.” But though this year, the Superbowl skimped on sex to play up the violence, it did offer up its share of misogyny. [Note: Not that I watched the fucking thing. I viewed all these commercials later, in the comfort of my own Internet].

More unsettling than a vegetarian rubbing her chest with broccoli: On behalf of GoDaddy.com, Racecar driver Danica Patrick (and others) appear in court to testify that they have “not enhanced”; spot ends with busty woman shaking her “enhancements” in Patrick’s general direction (this commercial is “Internet-only”).

Faker than Justin Timberlake’s look of surprise after revealing Janet Jackson nipple: The Cheeto-fueled cat-fight between a ditzy loud-talker and a dowdy chip-muncher was the most predictable lady ad of the night. Why weren’t the crazed pidgeons all over the Cheetos before she tossed a couple toward her new nemesis? . . . oh, yeah, because the Cheeto dude is a falconer now or some shit.

More disturbing than a clown drinking from its own anus: Pretty girl falls victim to male fantasy, loses clothes. Plus, that creepy dude who’s totally staring at you half-naked? Crunchin’ on Doritos.

Not actually misogynist but still fucked up: Ron Howard and Tom Hanks team up again for DanDa Vinci CodeBrown‘s Angel’s & Demons? Can’t Tom just get lost in an airport again or something?