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Douchebags have been getting laid for centuries; now, their victims are finally speaking out. On Sorry Mom, readers can submit anecdotes and photos (eyes obscured) in order to detail for posterity how they “bang the worst dudes” (I’m not sure why it’s only dudes—-there are plenty of lady douches to go around). Reading the tales of douchery, however, it’s clear that one woman’s douche is another’s date. Hey, some of them aren’t that bad! Would you date these douches?

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DOUCHEBAG: “This bogan thought that living on a bumble-fuck farm playing pool at the only pub and dressing up in panda masks while pretending to hump his friends was fun. I tried to help him sort it out, but it seems some freaks cannot be saved.”

OR IS HE? Could someone please tell me how I can get to this bumble-fuck farm, because it sounds awesome.

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DOUCHEBAG: “One night my friend and I went out and met up with two of her guy friends she had met at her gym, who were both older. I was 28 at the time and the dude I hooked up with was 44 but was in great shape and good looking so I took him home where we started messing around. When we went to do the deed, I noticed I was already soaked and so was the bed. Dude came before we even got started! Awful, I practically kicked him out, but unfortunately I had to give him a ride home. To his boat. Weird.”

OR IS HE? Still probably a douchebag, but a douchebag with a boat!

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DOUCHEBAG: Sometimes I have a hard time believing I slept with someone who makes it a habit to wear kids’ army helmets while playing Guitar Hero. Oof.”

OR IS HE? And?

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DOUCHEBAG:I thought this guy was super hot when I met him at a club, until he told me he was from the future. I thought it was just his cute, funny pick up line, so it worked. But then the next morning, he was still talking about it. I think he’s either a little bit crazy, or actually from the future. Either way, I feel a bit weird about it. Hmmm.”

OR IS HE? I think I actually have dated this guy. He’s alright!