Do you have a plan to vote?

Let us tell you the information you need to register and cast a ballot in D.C.

Who hasn’t wanted to sample the essence of manliness infused in an excellent source of non-animal protein? Everybody!

As it turns out, all you have to do to get George Clooney‘s attention is steal one of his sweat-soaked gym towels and threaten to extract its flavor to market as a celeb-flavored vegetarian alternative. If you thought PETA’s oversexed ads were hard to stomach, consider CloFu: Tofu flavored by Clooney’s sweat glands that would “spare animals from being killed for the table.”

After some hippie recovered Clooney’s discarded towel and offered it up for a PETA fundraiser, PETA President Ingrid Newkirk “immediately thought of using his perspiration for bean curd.”

Is that vegan? Whatever. Newkirk actually wrote Cloon a letter asking for his permission to use his flavor, and Clooney actually replied.

He said no. “As a mammal, I’m offended,” he said.