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If Natalie Portman were really young, bland, and hot, she’d be a MILF in the making

Last week, “Bonnie Fuller Media” founder Bonnie Fuller wrote an essay for the Huffington Post declaring, “It’s official! Age is irrelevant… when it comes to women and beauty that is.” Fuller then proceeds to write 700 words proving that age is still very much relevant when it comes to women and beauty.

How does Fuller manage to both disprove her own thesis while simultaneously marginalizing women of all ages? Let me count the ways!

1. All younger women are “bland,” regardless of their accomplishments. Not hot to Fuller are the following “bland 20-somethings”: “Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Heidi Montag, Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Blake Lively, Audrina Patridge, Jessica Biel, and even Kim Kardashian.”

Fuller groups two Oscar-nominated actresses with a “slew” of Maxim coverladies, reality show inhabitants, and amateur porn stars. Why? Because they happen to have been born in the same decade. She then asserts that all these women are dumb and uninteresting by posing the inexpliable rhetorical: “Do they honestly have even the depth of deep hotness and complexity as our 40-somethings?”

Did Fuller honestly just write “depth of deep hotness”?


2. Older women are hot, and boring, too! In Fuller’s world, 20-somethings are bland because they’re young. But older women aren’t hotter because they’re more experienced, accomplished, worldy, intelligent, or wise. No, Fuller continues to judge older women on the same criteria as the younger ones: how thin and young they look. Valerie Bertinelli gains Fuller’s appreciation for having “THE HOTTEST bikini-clad hard body” on the cover of People, while Demi Moore scores for having “un-plastic-surgery-looking looks”—-the product of very extensive plastic surgery.

Most insulting of all is Fuller’s pick for “astounding evidence of our national love affair with the 40-plus woman”: Sarah Palin, who could also serve as “astounding evidence of our national love affair with the ditz.”


3. She judges a woman’s hotness by the age of the men she’s with. Hotness! It knows no age, unless you are a man. Fuller holds up Moore and Madonna as examples of the most deepestly hot older ladies—-the ones who can snag younger men:

Demi, for her sexy, un-plastic-surgery-looking looks and devoted 15 years-younger, GORGEOUS husband, Ashton Kutcher, 31 . . . and Madonna for her rock hard body and years younger lovers, A-Rod, 33, and Jesus Luz, 22.

Calista Flockhart, on the other hand, is congratulated for finally bringing Harrison Ford to his knees” in marriage. Demi Moore is hot because her husband is 15 years younger than she; the 44-year-old Flockhart is still considered an old-timer, even though her husband is 20 years her senior.


4. She extends the objectification of women to 40, 50, 60 and beyond! The terms Fuller employs, like “cougar” and “MILF,” aren’t empowering—-they’re helping to further objectify women of all ages. Women don’t only need to live up to a physical standard through their 20s—-they also need to look like they’re in their 20s when they’re in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Fuller is pleased that middle-aged TV star Courtney Cox is prepared to stage her comeback in a new show titled “Cougarville.” I think it’s sad. Celebrating those older women who look like younger women isn’t a sign of greater acceptance in Hollywood—-it’s just a new way to marginalize women based on their appearance. I hope that 20 years from now, I’ve accomplished more than just managing to look the same.

Photo via Wikipedia