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Well, Matt Roberts, President and Founder of mytinge.com—-and maker of the Tinge vibrating razor—-has got me. “Our records indicate you have never purchased this or requested a press sample for review,” he writes. “If you had you’d know there is no danger with our product at all as it cannot be used as a razor and vibrator simultaneously” (demonstration above).

I’ll admit it: I have never masturbated myself with a razor.

The Tinge-fomercial is indeed eye-opening.What’s creepier—-that the Tinge razor is designed discretely so as to “finally allow all of us to keep a fabulous adult toy right under their [“your kids'”] noses,” or that Roberts keeps a master list of every human who owns one?