We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.
The morning commute. Cool breeze drifts through Washington. A bike rides West on R Street NW, passes Rhode Island Ave., and stops at 7th Street. A Gold Cadillac approaches from behind.
GOLD CADILLAC: You need to stay in the fucking bike line.
BIKE (in the bike lane): I’m in the fucking bike lane.
GOLD CADILLAC: You need to stay in the mother fucking bike lane. You need to stay away from my fucking car back there (indicating intersection), motherfucker.
BIKE: There is no bike lane there, you fucking asshole, it’s an INTERSECTION.
GOLD CADILLAC: You better stay away from my car before I run over your ass.
BIKE: What the fuck is wrong with you you motherfucker, are you really going to murder a human because you don’t understand how lanes work, you fucking fuck?
The light turns green.
GOLD CADILLAC: Stay away from my fucking car, you fucking bitch!
BIKE: Fuck you, motherfucker!
The GOLD CADILLAC drifts slightly into the bike lane, dumps a bottle of water on BIKE, laughs maniacally, hangs a right, and speeds away.
BIKE: Fuck.
BIKE hangs head in shame, knowing CAR has won this time.
Photo by thebig429