Sign up for our free newsletter

Free D.C. news, delivered to your inbox daily.

[youtube:v=MwtaIe1P0Q4&]

Cormack McCarthy is one of my favorite writers, and I love a good apocalyptic disaster flick, so I’m very excited about the forthcoming film adaptation of McCarthy’s “The Road.”

Hopefully, it will be nothing like the trailer.

I’ve heard that the disaster footage at the beginning of the teaser won’t appear in the actual film. And I understand that them’s the rules—-in Hollywood trailers, you gotta draw the popcorn munchers in with the forest fires, the tornadoes, and the volcanoes in order to get them to watch the good shit (the post-apocalypse).

What else do Hollywood trailers need to get folks in the door? A glowing Charlize Theron character! Way too much of her. I hope the actual film has way fewer tornadoes, and far less woman.

In the book, Theron’s character was little more than a suggestion—-a memory that haunted the father-and-son duo. She wouldn’t have had a large enough role to pad out this two-minute trailer. And yet, there she is: glowing in a tanktop, glowing by the boy’s side, glowing in a pink sweater, glowing with tears in her eyes, looking pretty rough in that beanie, looking pretty rough in the beanie again, again with the beanie, and, okay, one last time in the beanie. Meanwhile, Viggo Mortensen looks like he prepared for the role by hibernating on the ocean floor for several months.

I’m all for expanding good roles for women in film, but this is the apocalypse, dudes. If your end-of-the-world scenario includes Charlize Theron hangin’ out looking good, the end of the world doesn’t sound so bad after all. As one YouTube commenter wrote, “found the book quite hard work. this looks good though.”