Since recruiting adults to spout its homophobia didn’t work out so well, the National Organization for Marriage has decided to feed its lines to adorable children instead! Let’s see how they did:
CHILD ACTOR 1: Blonde, ruddy-cheeked, adooooorable
LINE: “Grandma? My teacher says, if Grandpa was a girl, that’s okay. You can still be married.”
BELIEVABILITY: What teacher contextualizes this debate in terms of grandparents? What kids talk about what they do at school? To their grandparents? Does this kid even look at the script before he takes the part?
CHILD ACTOR 2: Redhead, braces, adooooorable
LINE: “God creating Adam and Eve? That is so old-fashioned.”
BELIEVABILITY: High. The liberals, they are teaching our children the tools of sarcasm.
CHILD ACTOR 3: The tiny bro in the popped-collar polo
LINE: “He should have created Anna and Eve.”
BELIEVABILITY: Ugh. Definitely the producer’s kid.
CHILD ACTOR 4: Blondie redux
LINE: “If my Dad married a man, who would be my Mom?”
BELIEVABILITY: Better material to work with here: a reasonable question, along the lines of “Why won’t Snoopy wake up from his nap?” or “If there is a God, why does he make us sit still for an hour every Sunday?” This kid could grow up into a bonafide homophobe some day—-or a guy who really, really resents his parents.
CHILD ACTOR 5: Loooook at that faaaaaaace!
LINE: “I’m confused.”
BELIEVABILITY: I buy this: a small child, when placed in front of a video camera and asked to comment on government policy on same-sex marriage, reacts with confusion! This kid will be heading to Hollywood some day (the day all the gays are purged from Hollywood).