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In March, a University of the Pacific women’s basketball player filed a civil suit against the university for mishandling her on-campus sexual assault at the hands of three men’s basketball players. Now, the university’s spokesperson is severely mishandling the damage control.

The lawsuit alleges that “two basketball players raped [the student] at a May 2008 party at Townhouses, campus housing on Pershing Avenue, and that a third player came into the room where she was and assaulted her as the first two players were leaving.”

Pacific spokesman Richard Rojo isn’t denying that the incident occurred. But he is denying that it was rape, saying: “We would call it date rape.”

You know what date rape is? I’ll give you a hint: It’s right there in the name! It’s RAPE. Not to Rojo, RecordNet reports:

Rojo said the university considers “outright rape” and date rape to be different, in that date rape does not involve “a rapist jumping out of bushes and attacking people randomly.”

It’s great to hear that rape is now a completely random crime that occurs only in proximity to a particular type of flora (bushes). Since 80 percent of rapists are known to the victim, this new development should severely cut down on rapes! Unfortunately, it also means that a lot more men are going to be getting raped, since victims are chosen entirely at random. I say, burn the bushes! Burn them! Then, when Richard Rojo has no more on-campus rapes to report, he can write his own dictionary or something. I’d buy it!