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I’ve been mulling over whether to attend this week’s Rock & Roll Hotel “Air Sex championship” for a few days now—-ever since Metromix announced its intention to supply its very own D.C. competitor. Since I’m not much of an exhibitionist, I’m afraid I may not be able to add much to the coverage. It’s Air Guitar, but with fucking. What more is there to say?

But after enduring a Sarah Palin Air Sex Routine, a George Bush Air Sex Routine, a Magician Air Sex Routine, a Swedish Air Sex Routine, and yes—-a fucking Chris Kattan Air Sex Routine—-I was hit with a terrible feeling of foreboding. All the obvious Air Sex Routines have already been performed, leaving only one Ripped from the Headlines Air Sex yet un-done.

This is my terrible fear: This Wednesday, some brave soul will reach the Air Sex stage, perform some brief Air Kung Fu, crawl into a Thai Air Closet, pull out an Air Penis Noose, and attempt an Air Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation.

If anyone actually goes through with the forbidden David Carradine Lack of Air Sex Routine, I’m really, really hoping it’s the Metromix employee.

I couldn’t find any Carradine Air Sex in Youtube’s arsenal, but if you want to watch people pretending to be Palin, Bush, and “Bjorn to Fuck” pretend to do it, be my guest:

Sarah Palin Air Sex:

George W. Bush Air Sex:

Magic Air Sex:

Swedish Air Sex: