Watch out, Washington-area adults, children, teenagers, and male tweens: The tween girls are taking over the District of Columbia. This October, the “leading tween girl research firm” will team up with the nation’s largest “tween girl social networking site” to host the first “National Tween Girl Summit“—-ever. Details!

Washington’s Capital Hilton Hotel will play host to 250 female tweens along with several notable non-tween “policy makers, marketers, experts, celebrities and other persons of note.” Areas of discussion include “community service and activism, personal safety online and off, tween pressure and self-image,” and some insider-baseball type tween stuff: “what’s hot and what’s not in the world of tweens.”

‘Tween policy-making sessions, the hundreds of tween girls will also have the chance for some down-time. What better place for a tween to relax than at the “Tween Video Game Lounge,” where tween-friendly titles like “LITTLEST PET SHOP™ FRIENDS, LITTLEST PET SHOP™ ONLINE and CHARM GIRLS CLUB™.” There’s also going to be an Ice Cream Social. And Michelle Obama is invited! Needless to say, this is going to be awesome.

Where do I sign up?

Wait—-what the fuck? A tween has to be “9 to 14 years old“? But wait—-it says here that The First Ever National Tween Summit is planning a special treat for post-tweens, as well: it’s going to be called, and it promises to be “a place for parents, press, marketers—-adults.”

As if. is totally going to be a thinly-veiled containment area to keep the worst kind of grown-ups from totally ruining everything for the tweens. Whatever.