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In my column this week, I profiled local mammographer and inventor Ella Laseinde, who created the Shield-Me-Baby Nursing Bib to allow women to breast-feed in public without flashing everybody. Laseinde’s product isn’t the only contraption on the market that encourages public breast-feeding while discouraging public displays of mommy’s food-source. Hundreds of inventors have patented similar devices. Many: weird.

Bizarre Breast-feeding Contraption: The Breastfeeding Hat

Patent No.: Patent pending.

Inventor: Sam, Diane Margaret

Description: “The breastfeeding device includes a head-receiving portion sized and shaped to receive the head of a child, and a brim portion extending radially outwardly from the head-receiving portion. The brim portion is sized and shaped to substantially cover a woman’s breast when the head-receiving portion is received on the head of a child breastfeeding.”

Milkable: In doubling as baby sun-hat or Panamanian costume, the Breastfeeding Hat (patent pending) may very well help shield the mother’s breasts from public view—-without inadvertently calling more attention to the mother’s breasts. The hat will get a lot of stares, though, I’m sure.

Sucks: Just a fucking hat.