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So, you ladies got any TCSS up in this AAMP?

Earlier this summer, FOX deciphered the secret sexting codes teens use to fuck each other on their cell phones. But teens aren’t the only ones who need to hide their sexual exploits with absurdly elaborate acronyms. Sex workers and their clients, too, are trained to use the whoooole alphabet.

If you plan to patronize sex workers—-and obnoxiously detail your exploits on the Internet—-you better be versed in these 31 common trade acronyms. While these sex codes are meant to help johns avoid law enforcement, they have the added benefit of making any guy who uses them sound super douchey.

Do you know the correct racial slur for your masseuse/prostitute? The right acronym to obscure your Holocaust survivor fetish? Can you describe a shitty blowjob in just four easy letters? Test yourself in our sex code quiz, below. Answers after the jump.


2. Aircon BBBJ + Hacks
3. Asian Cowgirl
4. Babyback
5. Baja Sur
6. Barracuda
10. Beret
11. Blue Steel
12. CCL
13. Civilian
14. CMD
15. Date
16. DFF
17. Ed Zachary disease
18. FOV
19. GFE
20. GF3
21. Hardwood Floors
22. HHHJ
23. Interpreter
24. LBFM
25. Man in a boat
26. NQNS
27. PRC
28. Russian
29. Sybian
30. TCSS
31. XOXO


SEX, DECODED: Editor’s note: I did not make these up. I swear. Not even “Concentration Camp Look.” If these decoded answers still do not make sense to you, well, maybe you just weren’t cut out for the world of online john commentary. Consider yourself lucky.

1. “Asian-American Massage Parlor. This is the politically correct acronym.”

2. “Scenario: When the maseuse ask, ‘want aircon?’ if yes, she pop one hacks sweet into her mouth and start blowing.”

3. “Girl on top, squatting.”

4. “Petite, young, attractive Asian.”

5. “Genitals. From the spanish ‘the low south'”.

6. “A professional prostitute who’s only purpose is to separate you from your money as quickly as possible, preferably without giving you anything in return.”

7. “Bare Back Blow Job (oral sex without condom)”

8. “Bare Back Blow Job to Completion (oral sex to orgasm)”

9. “Bare Back Blow Job to Completion with Swallowing”

10. “A condom.”

11. “Viagra”

12. “Concentration Camp Look.”

13. “A woman who makes herself available for sexual encounters but not for financial gain. May be less discreet than a provider and more interested in a relationship.”

14. “Carpet Matches Drapes (typically a natural blonde)”

15. “A session with a prostitute”

16. “Dead Fish Fuck”

17. “A woman with an unattractive face.”

18. “Finger Outside Vagina”

19. “Girl Friend Experience”

20. “Girl Friend Experience w/all three holes”

21.  “Clean shaven pussy.”

22. “Half Hearted Hand Job.”

23. “Condom (e.g. She spoke French without the aid of an interpreter = BBBJ)”

24. “Little Brown Fucking Machine”

25. “Clitoris”

26. “Non-quitter, non-spitter”

27. “Women from the People’s Republic of China”

28. “Penis between breasts””

29. “A mechanical sex device that is in the shape of half-barrel with a dildo attachment mounted in the middle.”

30. “Talk Cock Sing Song”

31. “Kisses & Hugs”

Photo by Todd Huffman