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Women love men who look like they may have mysteriously murdered other men in the past. But how do you fake that killed-a-guy-but-dont-really-wanna-talk-about-it aura? Turn to local dude blogger Roissy in D.C., who shells out a hell of a lot of advice on how to pick up women—-usually, through deception. Roissy’s crowning achievement in faking intrigue is his “Shady Character Game,” which offers up 22 helpful tips on how to cultivate that irresistible murderer look. For one, buy a “green-eyed black cat.” That’s a freebie.

The top 5 ways to pick up chicks by “making her think you’ve killed people,” after the jump.

5. THE ‘OL INACCESSIBLE CAR TRUNK TRICK. “Never let her see, or put something inside, the trunk of your car. If she presses, tell her the lock is broken.”

4.THE ‘OL DIIIIIIIIIAMONDS TRICK. “Keep a small, black velvet purse full of cubic zirconia stones (or if you’re really poor, quartz crystals) stashed in your bedside table.”

3. THE ‘OL JUST-MAKE-YOUR-OWN-STAMPS TRICK. “Passports with stamps from countries designated by the CIA as sponsoring terrorism or those which have no diplomatic ties with the United States are sure to pique your woman’s interest. For a pointer, see this list. If you haven’t been to these countries, just make your own stamps and read Wikipedia for a cursory knowledge of the local culture and political climate. She’ll never know the difference.”

2. THE ‘OL TRANSVESTITE SHOOTING VICTIM TRICK. “Did you cut yourself badly once? Save that blood-stained garment in your dresser. Alpha move: Put a “bullet hole” through the blood stain. Super alpha move: The garment is a woman’s blouse.”

1. THE ‘OL DRIED BLACK ROSE TRICK. “Install a large safe. Never tell her about it, or what’s inside. Keep one dried black rose in the safe. ‘Accidentally’ leave the safe lock combination in full view one day for her to find.”

Photo by Minx~