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Sure, the hallway of domestic violence courtrooms at D.C. Superior Court sounds like a great place to pick up women. They’re bored. They’re probably on the rebound. And their ex-boyfriend is court-ordered to stay far, far away from your sweet moves. But somehow, the men I’ve witnessed hitting on chicks in Superior have not had much luck leering and hollering inside the courthouse.

Maybe it’s because the woman who lands in domestic violence court is too busy reliving her own personal nightmare to think about starting a new one with you. Maybe it’s because she’s got a pretty finely-tuned bullshit meter at the moment. Maybe it’s because she’s kind of busy, and you’re kind of a jerk. But for whatever reason, she’s not biting at your pick-up lines. That doesn’t stop you from trying.

The guy attempting to exploit the depressed, in the sign-up line for Petitioners and Respondents: “Baby, I’ve got a shoulder to cry on. Hello?”

The guy attempting to exploit the child-support set, outside the bathroom: “Hey I wanna give you my phone number take you out to lunch and out to dinner and then to the mall. Shopping spree. Credit card.”

The guy attempting to exploit the high-heeled, leering over the elevator: “Sexy.”

And finally, the guy attempting to exploit his own misfortune, right outside the courtroom: “Hey, are you a lawyer?”

Final tally: Women with legal trouble, 4; court-themed pick-up lines, zero. Okay, so there are no good pick-up lines to use in court. Lingering for her right outside the courthouse is also bad form.

But gentlemen, if you must mack, please: Confine your scene to the basement cafeteria. It’s well-lit down there, it’s a little bit more relaxed (they sell muffins), and you won’t directly skeeze a woman out with your own personal problems immediately before it’s her turn to tell the judge about hers.

Photo by bloomsberries