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What do nudists wear? If this online nudist apparel store is any indication—-more than you’d imagine. From what I can tell, nudist attire is clothing which serves a decorative—-as opposed to a shielding—-function, and generally operates with a clear disregard of genital exposure. It’s also a really good resource for any woman who would like to see a soaring eagle beaded atop her boobs.

The “beaded collar,” (prices vary). Available in the classic “circle/rope” pattern, as well as a few flashier models.

For the nudist biker:

For the nudist Republican:

For the nudist cat lady:

“Sheer pants” and matching jacket; $49 and $59 respectively. So that even when your dick’s not hanging out, your dick’s hanging out.

The “uniwrap” for men, $25. A skirt.

The “sportif shorts” for men, $47. A skirt.

The zippered “Just Bare It” hat, $14. In case they can’t figure out your nudism based on nudity alone.

The “intimate area shaver” for men and women, $69. But how do you tote this along with no thong to tuck it into?

The “buckle dress,” $49. I knew Dov Charney was in on this somehow.