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Beware the snugglers.

Lea Haben, “relationship coach,” wants to warn her clients about the dangers of on-line dating:

Haben said, “I’ve had clients that experienced full-on date rape* and I’ve had clients that have come very, very close to date rape. ” . . . Haben said look closely and you’ll find warning signs right there on a person’s profile page. “He’s not even wearing a shirt. His interests are snuggling, his favorite thing is skin to skin contact. Notice the profile if it’s very vague or you don’t get a good sense, ask for more information.”

Snuggling. Sure, it may sound sensitive, but we all know what snuggling really means: danger. It’s the number one dangerous interest! And beware: Plenty of local online daters are sneaking this secret code-word into their otherwise innocuous personals ads (emphasis mine):

Available, no fakes no spam be for real writes:

“Not having my old friends around is getting rather tiresome and I am sick of being alone, so I am looking for someone to enjoy dining out, movies, video games, going to the museums, cooking, or just snuggling. I am easy going and down to earth once you get me to open up, I can be a little reserved at first.”

SWM searching for SWF for LTR writes:

“I’m not a huge bar scene person, I’ll go occasionally but it’s not something my life revolves around. I’m more content staying in with someone special snuggling and watching a movie or on the weekends going to out to try or see something new.”

Carbon Leaf this Friday? writes:

“I enjoy all out door activities. All things wine. Trying new restaurants, movies, dancing, concerts, plays, walks, snugglingat home etc.”

Are you There? writes:

“I’m a 27 y/o single mom. I’m 5’7, a “thick” girl,. I’m a romantic. I like reading, watching movies, snuggling on the couch, holding hands taking a walk.”

Disgusting. With all the snugglers out there, how will an online dater ever find true love? Now, now, not everyone can be into snuggling. Let’s try searching for a different code word. Like “rape”:

Do you want to be punished? Spanked? (Nw DC do you have a rapefantasy) writes:

“Warning this is not for every girl. This is for the kinkiest woman using craig’s list. this is for the woman who wants and needs to be punnished, the woman who was a cutter in tenth grade, the kind of woman who wants and needs to be dirty with a man who doesn’t know her and won’t judge her for acting out what she wants. this add is for the woman who hates herself and wants to be left tied to the toilet dripping my cum from her pussy, wondering what to name the bastard child I am not ever going to see.”

your fantasy writes:

“tell me if you have arape fantasy. i would like to hear it. it gets me off when reading them.”

Daddy seeks a submissive slut writes:

– You being a COMPLETE SUBMISSIVE in the bedroom and doing ANYTHING DADDY tells you to! – Being a submissive SLAVE. – You like pain and crying. – Hard, heavy anal sex – Bare hand spanking, wooden paddle, leather belt, leg spreaders! – Forced deep throating, cock choking, and skull fucking. – Slapping your pussy, rough fingering fisting and handling, (generally, I want your lips and asshole red, and swollen before I am ready to fuck) – Tie you down and force fuck you in all your holes. – Make you suck me off in a semi-public situations, as well as fingering your ass and pussy when ever I please. – Degradation / Verbal Abuse. – DP fuck you with my toys. – Force rape you when I want! And let my friends fuck you as well. – Golden showers. – Incest talk…

I can tone it down or up depending on your level of comfort.

Well, it’s nice to know that even in this day and age, not every online dater is a monstrous, shirtless snuggler. There are also those singles looking for the one girl who hates herself, is willing to provide him with free erotica, and is open to being forced raped by a stranger and his closest friends whenever he wants. Now get back out there, champ!

* On a side note, what the fuck is “full-on” date rape? A more committed, all-systems-go version of regular old date rape?

Photo by d70focus