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When he’s on tour with his metal band, Born of Osiris, guitarist Tosin Abasi gets a lot of shit for wearing women’s khaki shorts. Now, MasterCard’s new “Perfect Pair of Jeans” promotion is here to tell Abasi that every cool person in history hates his shorts, too. The credit card company’s commercial features some iconic jeans-wearing celebrities—-like Marlon Brando, John Wayne, Carlos Santana, and the Ramones—-and lists off the types of bottoms MasterCard thinks they would never wear:

“A pair of pleated slacks: I don’t think so.”

“A pair of capri pants: Never in a million years.”

“A pair of khaki shorts: Ain’t gonna happen.”

The Ramones would never wear Tosin Abasi’s shorts.

Marilyn Monroe makes a token appearance in the spot to make it seem less sexist. After all, it ain’t much of a stretch to imagine Marilyn in a pair of capri pants. The real message of the spot is clear: Real men don’t wear khaki shorts, so buy some jeans on your MasterCard. The saddest thing about the whole thing? We all know that Santana would totally rock a pair of khaki shorts.