Tucker Max, professional sexist, swung through College Park, Md., and Washington, D.C., last month to help promote his new movie, “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.” Tucker Max events, you may be surprised to learn, can actually prove helpful to us feminists. Max has the power to gather all the local sexist douchebags into one convenient location for an evening, and that makes those people a lot easier to identify (and mock). But if you didn’t have the heart to trudge out and ridicule the hordes of Tucker Max fans in person, it’s not too late to get in on the fun. Max has graciously provided anecdotal and recorded evidence of the tour’s douchiest attendees for us! See if you can spot any douches from your workplace, biology class, or overpriced Georgetown lounge:
Here’s Max’s video of the “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” premiere in College, Park, Md. It includes a douchebag who allows Max’s video minion to shoot him in the face with a Nerf gun in the hopes of coming face-to-face with his douche idol. It also features a lady-douche who allows a gentleman-douche to spit his chewing tobacco into her mouth. She wins a beer bong. Over on the written side, Max informs us of one College Park douche who says he once had sex with a fat woman in order to finally seize the opportunity to tell a disposable sex partner to weave him a basket.
Over at the Washington, D.C., premiere, Max’s video minion ridicules both Vietnamese and African-American women, the former for being employed as a pedicurist, and the latter for having a name he finds funny. He also exposes several douchebags gathered outside the premier who can recite obscure details of Tucker Max’s sexcapades, but are unable to name the second and third presidents of the United States. Max’s douchey law-school buddies get in on the fun, but they ask Max not to repeat any of the shit they said, because they are douchey guys who went to law school. Also featured: An awkward night-vision shot of a theater full of douchebags writhing with glee when Tucker Max makes a joke about exterminating fat chicks, or whatever the fuck that guy does for a living.
UPDATE: Oh! Welcome, Tucker Max fans! While I’m not scraping the sand out of my vagina or feeding my cats, I’m composing more poorly-written articles about Tucker Max that you’re sure to love. Clicky-clicky!