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It’s almost that time again: The one day of the year when women are allowed to express their true sexiness, and men are freed to dress like giant penis jokes. As Halloween approaches, costume manufacturers are struggling to produce new sexy/penis concepts to satisfy all the sexy/penis demands of sexy/penis-loving Americans. Sure, it’s refreshing to finally find an industry committed to producing low-quality merchandise meant to encourage women to be extremely sexy, and men to be sexually immature.
On the other hand: are there some Disney fish that should never be served up as a spandex mini-dresses? Is a spaghetti penis costume ever a good idea? And what happens when the guy with the gigantic plush phallus costume gets tipsy? The ten worst sexy costumes of 2009, after the jump.
10. The Sexy Clown Costume. The thing nightmares are made of.
9. The Sexy Gangster Costume. A strangely conspicuous wardrobe for a professional criminal, no?
8. The Spaghetti Penis Costume. Yuck.
7. The Sexy Ghostbuster Costume. As a little girl, did you wish there was a female ghostbuster in the crew to look up to? Now, you can be part of all the action and camaraderie! Oops, my bad. Girls are for busting balls, not ghosts.
6. The Sexy . . . America, Or Something Costume. Who cares. It’s sexy!
5. The Sexy Border Patrol Costume. Because there’s nothing sexier than making sure the illegals don’t steal our jobs.
4. The Camel Toe Costume. Forty bucks.
3. The “Down for the Count” Costume. You know, it’s not enough to sew a blow-up doll on your crotch to make it look like she’s fellating you anymore. Nowadays, you gotta sew the blow-up doll to the crotch of a Transylvanian nobleman outfit to get any respect.
2. The Sexy Fat Hula Dancer Costume. Behold: the one woman who would agree to be photographed in such a thing.
1. The Sexy “Finding Nemo” costume. Everything has officially been sexualized. You can stop now.