We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.
Last week on the Sexist, my examination of street harassment through honking turned into a BATTLE OF THE SEXES. Do men get more harassing honks from straight guys than women do? Would you rather be constantly sexually harassed or pay for dinner? And how many women can a 5’9″ guy bed in one night in South Beach, Fla.? Your burning questions, answered:
Amanda, it appears to want to find bad deeds by guys targeted at women everywhere, but its not just all about gender. Guys are targets of The Douche Bag Who Honks, too.
I’m a guy that can in no way be visually mistaken for a woman, and very straight-looking males, often in pickup trucks, have honked at me on numerous occasions, often in combination with screaming out the window. They always do this when my back is turned to them, so as to startle me. It has nothing to do with gender, other than, in my experience, the gender of the offender has almost always been male.
That having been said, I am going to try to bring some truth to your post. I am sending out an alert on my blog, The Balls Monologues, asking my readership to stop honking at guys. After all, if guys are going to falsely accused of targeting women for misdeeds, a good deterrent to the false accusations is to actually start targeting the very misdeeds dreamt up about us. Hopefully the douche bags who honk will listen.
I honestly don’t understand this at all.
I’m completely baffled. Why bother performing this action, which one would assume is instigated by a guy’s desire for the woman in question, when you just drive off in the end? I mean, even on the off chance that the woman was just standing there, thinking to herself “I’m gonna have sex with the next guy who honks at me”, he’s driven off by the time he’s finished honking.
My only conclusion is that the honkers are actually gay, and in fact do NOT want to have sex with women. The honk is just an attempt at making those around them assume they are straight. Guys that actually want to have sex would at least harrass women in person, where there’s that imaginary chance of success. Its only polite.
Women aren’t the only ones targeted in public because of their gender. Just last Sunday, I was repeatedly harassed on Ocean Drive in South Beach as a result of my gender. As I passed virtually each restaurant, one hot chick after another stuck an advertcard practically in my face and verbally tried to coerce me into eating at the restaurants they were hostessing for. The cards were stuck in my face, not my date’s face. She wasn’t approached by a single one. The hostesses probably assumed, correctly, that I was the one paying, and also probably assumed, incorrectly in this instance(my date is very bi and had just shared two other women with me the night before), that I would be more swayed by being approached by a hot chick.
I was approached and harassed before I ate, and I was approached and harassed after I ate. I even thought that next time I go down there, I am going to wear a sticker or carry a sign that says, “I already ate.”
In fact, of course, a sign that says, “I already ate” is really the same thing as a woman wearing a wedding or engagement ring – it, in effect, says, “your time and energy is better expended elsewhere.”
As far as what to do about guys waving at you from construction sites – why does that bother you so much, anyway?
Magnetic Crow writes:
Yup, you guys keep whining about how unfair the world is to you. Meanwhile, those of us who have to experience this kind of crap almost every time we go out in a public space will continue to discuss it constructively.
I don’t think the world is unfair to me. I’m tall, white and male with an upper-tier education. I think I was very lucky.
But that doesn’t give others free license to make illogical assertions. Dirk seems to like to whine, with an interspersal of “look at me” statements. His constant whining about paying for stuff can get very tiring, I agree. You don’t want to pay, don’t ask a girl out. To ask a girl out and whine about paying is a passive aggressive move which no one with any self-esteem would put up with for any length of time. Hell, I can barely stand it. The statement “grow a set” comes to mind.
Victor, growing a set isn’t the issue – at least not for me, since I’m not the one trying to deflect criticism to another guy.
That having been said, growing tall is definitely an issue – a huge issue. If you’re not tall – and I’m not – most women these days expect you to pay for their virtually every move. There was an excellent study reported by the New York Times a year or two ago which found that, on average, a woman willing to be with a guy 6′ tall making $65K would require a guy 5′9″ to make over $200K to compensate.
As an example from my life, my date tonight, who I went out with once, has been flat-out asking me to wire money for days now. I can blow her off, and face the exact same thing from another broad soon enough, so what’s the difference? I’m not 6′ tall, have never done felony time, I like hot chicks, and I don’t have a job where I’m the boss and can fuck women in my office, so I am going to pay for it one way or another – that’s not whining, just reality.
. . .If speaking truth to female empowerment is considered whining, I’m happy to say I’m whining my balls off – even when I’m not. You should, too, before you retreat by dumping on fellow guys after you make good points merely because some whiney woman describes your good points as whining.
Dirk – Drawing attention to an action = whining. You’re acting like some poor stereotype of a jewish mother listing off all the things she’s done for her son. You are short… and as such probably don’t deserve to date. But that’s another issue… The issue at hand is that you have created an exchange with some women which works for you. To assume that this exchange is the same deal all of us guys work out, is silly. And to keep drawing attention to the “poor deal” you got, is whining. I don’t see anyone else constantly bringing up the various concessions they may have to make in their relationships.
UGH, stop making comments that are more than 5 lines long! No one wants to read that shit!
Victor, As patently clear from my post, I make no such assumptions – I, myself, went out with a girl less than half my age last year who insisted on spending more money on me than vice versa. I do, however, deal in dominant trends.
And, for the record, I’m not short – I’m just not tall – I’m 69″, which is one inch shorter than the average American guy.
Dirk… Less than 6′ is too short for a male. You’re 3 full inches short of that. That means you’re short and you whine.
(how’s that Jules?)
Victor, The night before the harassment incidents on South Beach I mentioned in one of my posts above I had sex with four women. How many were you with that night?
Ah Dirk… First, even if I were inclined to believe you (and through the years, I’ve learned to only believe about 1/4 of what short guys say… so that makes, maybe one woman)… all that does is make you a short guy who had sex with 4 women that night. See how that doesn’t change your height at all? You’re not going to drag me into any “how many, where, how much” competition. I was a tall bartender in a popular dance club for a few years. I had my fun. I have no problem with you having fun too, I don’t even have any problem with you paying for it (as you’ve admitted in the past)… I just find your incessant whining tiresome.
Freaking short guys.
I understand the frustration of non-male harrasers feeling accused but unless you’ve walked/biked around as a woman in this city you’re not really going emotionally understand the point of all these harrasers blog entries. I’m basing this statement off the responses I’m seeing.