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Every day until Oct. 31, I’m collecting another terrible “sexy” Halloween costume for your erotic cringing pleasure. Today’s ill-advised holiday sex display really hurts me, you guys. I’ve been looking for a costume for a couple of weeks now. Last night, I caught Hocus Pocus at a friend’s house, and got the idea to model my costume after the tuxedoed skeleton band that plays in the big Town Hall bash scene. This morning, I hit the Internets to find a one-piece skeleton costume made to fit a  5’4″ lady. Easy, right? Nope! Just slutty:

While men-sized revelers will be sporting sweet skeleton costumes like this come Halloween, looks like I’ll have to settle for an uncomfortable and oddly sexual costume that CUTS OFF ALL MY SKELETAL LIMBS. Above we have “Sexy Skelly,” a stretchy skeleton minidress which turns the pelvis and ribs into erotic suggestions of nearby organs. Sexy Pebbles hair accessory not included.

This skintight ladies skeleton, below, isn’t so bad—-the hoddie turns into a sweet skull mask, and at least I get pants! (Okay, leggings). Did you know that even girls bones are pink? That’s how different girls are from boys!

This next one is my personal favorite: A women’s skeleton costume that lights up with the flick of a switch. Unfortunately, it comes attached to a caped tube top.

The “Light Up Sexy Skeleton” costume comes compete with cape, scythe, and batteries, but suggests that the wearer fine one crucial accessory on her own: “This sexy Grim Reaper always gets her man.”