For those of you who would rather do away with this whole marriage business instead of incorporating new groups into the institution, Canadian group Hidden Cameras have got your anthem: “Ban Marriage.” Recently, eight of them squeezed into the Rock and Roll Hotel to perform the song for The New Gay. The traditional-marriage-averse lyrics include references to fingering, “fag hags,” and drunk ministers. What, no shout-out to the patriarchy? Full lyrics are after the jump.

I was late getting to church on the morning of my ceremony

Stayed up too late the night before from fingering foreign dirty holes in the dark
The morning sun blinded my eyes and made my skin look pale and tainted in light

And there were steps to climb as I unloosened my tie
As I began to walk the aisle the congregation looked behind

But I continued past the pews and met my angel in a suit with a smile

And as I looked him in the eye I heard my best friend cry
That we aren’t fools to fall in love but let ‘coupledom’ die

Ban marriage
Ban marriage

The minister was drunk and high from his rewrite of holy verse with more lies
But the organist she played with a tenacity and grace that was fine

The whole room was filled with the thunder and flood
Of just one chord; the thrill and clarity of sound

But soon the song went slowly dead and I was forced to take a stand on one side:
It was him or my fag hag, oh well, I guess she was never that good of a friend

After my fag hag friend had fled the minister looked mighty fed and content

We said his rewritten vows that I could hardly pronounce
but was soon drowned out by that organ and the shout of

Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban marriage

The congregation, stunned and dumbed, looked upon me with an innocuous stare
I wept and on my knees I prayed that there be truth and there be light in my day

In my hung-over daze I felt the thunder of God
It was the orders that I take the wrath upon my own rod

Then I repeated my own vows, they were perverted and they smelled of myself

“That there is splendor in the harshness of bum
that consummation makes a grumble and the sound that I have learned called:

Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban marriage
Ban it all