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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals may have a monopoly on sexualizing cuts of meat, but it takes a Czech surrealist artist to really romanticize steak. Because I am who I am, I can’t help but analyze the traditional mating rituals (and the tragic ending) on display between two cuts of beef in Jan Švankmajer‘s 1988 short, Zamilované Maso, or Meat Love (via Pukeimmediately).

A run-down of their brief (and ill-fated) courtship, after the jump.

Meat 1 awakens underneath the body of Meat 2. After swiftly removing itself from the immodest position, Meat 1 rushes to the mirror to make sure it looks okay.

Meat 2 awakens with a masculine grunt. Meat 2 approaches Meat 1 from behind and slaps it in the butt. Meat 1 expresses shock, covers its naked meat body with a towel, and hangs its meat head in shame. Meat 1 is not that kind of beef. Or perhaps it is simply playing hard to get.

Meat 2 realizes it will have to invest in some more traditional courtship activities in order to woo Meat 1. Meat 2 puts on some music. It beckons Meat 1. They dance.

In a reversal of roles, Meat 1 breaks their embrace and rushes to a private plate covered in flour. Meat 1 playfully splashes Meat 2 with the white powder. They make love.

Unfortunately, this playful, flour-covered tryst has set up the two cuts perfectly for consumption. They are spiked by a large fork and sacrificed to the frying pan.

But what does it all mean? Is this meaty courtship a morality tale warning against the dangers of submitting to sexual advances? Or an uplifting testament to seizing the day before it’s too late? Which one is Juliette? Are you hungry? I am!