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Damn you, WAM! Women, Action, & the Media is staging a holiday fund-raising auction this month—-and the items up for grabs have somehow managed to magically tap into every feminist’s secret girl crush. We’re talking photo session with Margaret Cho, editing expertise of Katha Pollitt, autographed guitar airbrushed with Ani Difranco‘sface level of crushing here.

I’m not an Difrancophile myself. But WAM! did, apparently, get a hold of my secret feminist crush diary in order to seriously entice me with a couple of items. Here are my top three weak spots:

3. Target: Womencreator Sarah Haskins records your outgoing voicemail message.

Current Bid: $60

I have no idea what I would ask Sarah Haskins to record as my voicemail message. “Hi this is Amanda leave a message” has served me well over the past five years. But the terms of the auction note that “Winning bidder will communciate with Haskins to agree on a script or outline for the message in advance of recording,” which means that Sarah Haskins totally has to respond to one of your e-mails! Sweet!

2. Shapely Prose creator Kate Harding edits your nonfiction manuscript.

Current Bid: $55

Anybody know where I can find a nonfiction manuscript on short notice?

1. Feministing editor Jessica Valenti has dinner with you.

Current Bid: $160

If I won dinner with Jessica Valenti, I would suggest we go to the Brazillian restaurant the New York Times listed as the location of Valenti’s first date with now-husband Andrew Golis. Do you think she would find that funny or creepy? Probably creepy, right?