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Vox Populi, bless its heart, points us to the crowning achievement of Georgetown University’s class of 2009: The “funbags” embroidered polo T-shirt ($21.99, detail shown above). The “College Polo” line is the brainchild of Georgetown graduates JP Medved and Anthony Sessa, who also considered it a good idea to embroider beer bottles, beer pong, and, of course, “the shocker” onto the left breast of men’s casual-wear. The gun-toting Mexican penis polo is still in the works.
And yet, I keep going back to the funbags.What makes a miniature pair of breasts such an appropriate insignia for the polo-wearing douche?
“Bazookas, melons, cannonballs, tatas, howitzers, cans,” the advertising copy reads. “No matter what you call them, there’s no denying, they ARE fun. Only one question remains, are they built for speed or comfort? You motorboatin’ son of a bitch, you.” Surely, that helps. But the funbags polo has a certain je ne sais quoi that can’t be articulated through a mere boob thesaurus.
Perhaps the answer lies deeper than the iconography? A-ha: These funbags are not emblazoned into the breast of just any polo. They are “embroidered on a natural (off-white) colored Outer Banks Men’s Essential Pique Polo” made of “100% needlespun cotton pique” with “contoured welt collar and cuffs,” “pearlized buttons,” “double-needle stitched bottom hem” and “two-button placket.” For the discerning douchebag.
Hmm. Yes. But there’s still something about the innate douchiness of the funbags polo that I can’t quite put my finger on. Say we take a broader view?
Oh. They look like balls from far away.