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As someone who has always had an ass that’s slightly out of proportion with the rest of her body, I was interested to hear about the benefits that ass-enhancing undergarment “Booty Pop” was selling. Indulge me, Booty Pop. List the virtues of my fat ass:

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Apparently, by having a butt, I reap a variety of benefits. They include:

* Never having to look at the changing room mirror and think: “Not-so-sexy bottom.”

* Having what “all women want without lifting a finger.”

* Knowing that my ass makes me “just like the celebrities.”

* Having my clothes fit better.

* Feeling more confident.

* Being able to forget about doing “endless squats.”

* Never having to worry about paying for expensive cosmetic butt surgery.

* Looking and feeling like I “spent a fortune.”

I have to admit: Some of these butt benefits are real. I’ve never considered having plastic surgery on my butt, or performing squats “endlessly,” or applying the phrase “not-so-sexy bottom” to myself.

On the other hand, my fat ass has yet to usher me into the world of the big-bottomed celebrity elite. I haven’t figured out how to summon my ass weight in order to boost my confidence at home or in the workplace. I can’t say that anyone has ever looked at my ass and said, “Damn—-that looks expensive.” And, no, pants don’t fit. Ever.

Some have argued that the existence of Booty Pop reflects the shifting of traditional beauty standards. As PostBourgie’s G.D. writes: “You could probably make a pretty compelling argument that traces the mainstreaming of this aesthetic to hip-hop’s cultural dominance and its obsession with all things callipygous.”

Not to get too deep on the Booty Pop phenomenon, but I think the product just reflects the fact that the beauty industry has figured out how to prey on a wider range of insecurities. You want a smaller butt? You can buy some life-changing underwear, too. Require a bigger ass? Strap on a Booty Pop. Now, we’re just waiting for the underwear executive genius who can figure out how to “fix” the woman who thinks her current butt size is just right.