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If your boobs could talk, what would they say? According to this proposed ad campaign for Durex condoms, your boobs would likely say . . . “boobs”:

. . . at least, that’s what German designer Andrej Kranhe thinks your boobs would say. Other strange sexual insights gleaned from Kranhe’s “Type Sex With Durex” ads:

Girls orgasm in mythological afterlives:

When you have sex, does your body feel as if it has been transported to:

a) Elysium, the ancient Greek underworld that housed the”final resting place of the souls of the heroic and the virtuous”?

b) Valhalla, the mythological Norse afterworld where dead soldiers dine in an “enormous hall . . .  ruled over by the god Odin”?

c) Zion, the Jewish promised land?

If not, you’re probably a dude:

According to the ad, when boys have sex, their penises turn into brains, and their brains turn into:

Yeah . . . nothing. According to the ad, when boys are busy sticking their “brains” into a lady’s “Valhalla,” they are incapable of reacting to outside stimuli, processing information, or reasoning.

You just ate a bunch of fruit:

At least, that’s what I think that means.

Performing oral sex on a man makes a woman’s brain feel “dainty”:

. . . and her throat feel “TASTY”!

When boys do manage to think thoughts during sex, the thought is, “this sucks”:

Girls, meanwhile, are experiencing shuddering, quaking boob orgasms. However, they are privately traumatized by this:

Her body’s saying “orgasm wave,” but her mind is saying “paralyzed, confused, embarrassed.” Hmm. I wonder what kind of “Type Sex With Durex” this one is?