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Last Superbowl Sunday, Dodge staged a rallying cry for all men who feel oppressed by the demands of the modern heterosexual relationship. “I will put the seat down. I will separate the recycling. I will carry your lipbalm,” emasculated Dodge guy announces, before reclaiming his masculinity by getting behind the wheel of a Charger.

What if Dodge focused its ad on all the demands placed on the modern woman, in the hopes that a healthy reminder of that other gender-based oppression might inspire women to go out and buy a big fucking car? What would the demoralized Dodge woman say? According to this female response to Dodge, written and directed by MacKenzie Fegan and shot by Paul Yee, she would say: “I will watch Superbowl commercials that depict men as emasculated and depressed, and I will feel so fucking sorry for you.” Full transcript after the jump.

I will get up and pack your lunch at 6:30 a.m. I will eat half a grapefruit for breakfast. I will get the kids ready for school. I will ignore your smelly loser friend who is crashing on our couch. I will make 75 cents for every dollar you make doing the same job. I will assert myself and get called a bitch. I will catch you staring at my breasts but pretend not to notice. I will put my career on hold to raise your children. I will diet, Botox, and wax. Everything. I will assure you that size doesn’t matter. I will be a lady in the street but a freak in the bed. I will turn a blind eye to your ever-encroaching baldness. I will humor your Fantasy Baseball obsession. I will pretend not to notice when you cry at the end of Rudy. I will watch TV shows where fat, stupid, unattractive men have beautiful wives. I will allow you to cheat on me with other women. I will see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Twice. I will elect male politicians who will make a decision about my body. I will listen to Rush and tell you, yes, if there were a gold metal for air-drumming, you would win it. I will get angry, and you will ask if it’s that time of the month. I will watch Superbowl commercials that depict men as emasculated and depressed, and I will feel so fucking sorry for you.