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The Relationship-Ending Line: The statement uttered by your boyfriend or girlfriend, casual hook-up or spouse, longtime crush or friend-with-benefits, after which nothing between you could ever be the same. The Relationship-Ending Line is the moment that it becomes clear—-whether immediately after the phrase exits your partner’s lips, or in retrospect after years of denial—-that this relationship simply wasn’t meant to be. Observe:
It could come before the relationship even begins: “My favorite book is The Fountainhead.”
It could come in the middle of a blow job: “Swallow my man custard.”
It could preempt sexual contact entirely: “Hey, bring those roast beef curtains over here.”
It could come 30 years into your marriage: “The ceremony would be held on a rooftop in New York and the Dave Matthews Band would make an appearance.”
Give me the best Relationship-Ending Line you’ve heard, throw in a little context, and if you’ve got the saddest/funniest entry, I’ll ship you out a copy of Babeland‘s new sex-positive how-to, “Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex.”
File your relationship-enders in the comments or e-mail them to me here (if you comment, make sure to leave a valid e-mail address where I can reach you). Extra points awarded for dramatic irony.