We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.

Important Announcement: I have ceased all productive output this afternoon because I’m too busy making up fake names of Male Studies scholars on Twitter. For the uninitiated, “Male Studies” is the answer to “Men’s Studies” dedicated to studying the male . . . “as male.” Revolutionary.

None of our imaginary professors’ names will ever beat the inherent manliness of real Male Studies scholar Lionel Tiger, but we can dream. Oh, can we dream. A selection of uber-masculine names submitted via Twitter hashtag #malestudiesprofessors so far:

Prof. Mann S. Plainer, Linguistics

Prof. Guy Chauvin, Bromance Languages

Dr. Big McLargeHuge, author of the bestselling ” The Overcompensation Myth”

Uhgard De Rectum, Self-Defense

Tallywacker P. Smegmadorian, Asst. Professor of Hygiene

Dr. X. Boddyspray, Chemistry

Professor Slapass B. Tweenguyz, Dept. of Homosocial Bonding

Lapdance Feelcopper, Head of Security

Prof. Haught Bol O’Dicks, Culinary Arts

John Q. Buttslap, Athletic Director

Professor Ev Syke, Chair of Naturally Endowe

Beefwhiskey Quarterback, Ph.D.

Professor Grilling Q. Fetchmebeer

Join us.