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So I logged on to the High Times Web site today, as you do, and I came across a typical ad targeting pot enthusiasts: A woman dropping her lacy panties alongside the teaser, “Want to see more? We know you want to!” Users who are interested in seeing more are introduced to “The Whizzinator,” a dildo that really looks like a penis.
At first, I was confused by the marketing strategy here. How effective is it to lure people into purchasing a fake (but highly realistic) penis by implying the promise of a vagina? Perhaps I am underestimating the target audience for High Times advertising, but I imagine that many a typical heterosexual dude who eagerly clicks on those panties only to find a selection of penises would be hit with such a raging case of homo- and transphobia that he would be unlikely to invest in the services advertised. But then I investigated the Whizzinator further, and things became even curiouser.
The Whizzinator, as the name implies, is a dildo that facilitates faux pissing. “The Whizzinator Strap-On XXX is the cleanest way to get dirty,” the ad copy reads. “This ultra hygenic and sterile ultimate wet sex simulator is designed with sensual pleasure in mind.” A Whizzinator comes with a syringe, “synthetic urine pack,” heat packs, an instruction manual, and a condom. “Golden Shower” refills of freeze-dried pee are also available.
That’s where the Whizzinator’s next advertising turn comes in—-though explicitly marketed to those who want to incorporate safe, clean urination into their sex lives, a colleague reminded me that the Whizzinator might also be of particular use to men who use drugs, and may resort to fake-peeing through a prosthetic penis in an attempt to pass a drug test. A-ha, so the Whizzinator is of immediate interest to the High Times‘ target audience.
So why send them through these various marketing hoops in order to get them to purchase a negative test result? I imagine it has something to do with those phobias. When you’re trying to sell lifelike penis accessories to hetero men, perhaps it helps to give the more sensitive among them an excuse to say, “Hey—-I found this penis accessory by clicking on some naked chick.”
The Whizzinator retails for $139.95. And the strangest thing about the marketing here? It is available in white, brown, black, tan and “Latino.”