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I don’t know why I’ve been ignoring the black hole of ridiculousness that is Craigslist. There is such a deep, dark, frequently frightening abundance of weird stuff in the housing listings. Today, I bring you an advertisement from Ballston.
Actual Headline: “$725 Room in house for Progressive Activists & Healers”
Perfect for: Straight-edge people with few friends; People possibly interested in joining earth-venerating cult.
Why: First, you can’t smoke here, or keep alcohol in the house. If you’re not going to value “the connections and opportunities” the house offers, then sorry: Look elsewhere. There’s no mention of Wednesday night get-togethers to watch Lost, or late night bonding through Guitar Hero. Temporal interests have no place here—-Instead the focus is on “social change, the environment, personal/psychological/spiritual growth and transformation, or other progressive/liberal/human values issues.” Also, roommates are expected to make “a conscious and positive contribution to help heal the earth and the people in it.” Thankfully, there’s no chance of animal worship. Pets aren’t allowed.
Since the advertisement will likely disappear in a few days, I’ll reproduce it here:
We have a beautiful, fully furnished bedroom looking out into the trees, available now. Occupancy is for one person only. Rent is $750 per month.
We are looking for a housemate who is involved with social change, the environment, personal/psychological/spiritual growth and transformation, or other progressive/liberal/human values issues.
The current residents are active, friendly, quiet, mixed gender, socially conscious, and socially and politically liberal.
We do not have specific expectations of a housemate in terms of time or activities, but we want someone who values the connections and opportunities we can offer, and sees themselves as making a conscious and positive contribution to help heal the earth and the people in it (including themselves!).
The room is furnished with a bed, desk, lamp, dresser, shelves, hardwood floor, and large closet. This is in a well-kept non-smoking home with friendly folks in a safe, quiet, beautiful neighborhood. No smokers, please.
The house is in excellent condition, and is in a beautiful setting, facing a 350 acre park with tennis courts, basketball courts, soccer fields, recreational areas, formal gardens, and miles of bike paths and hiking trails through unspoiled nature (the last picture below is the view out our front door!). The neighborhood is safe and quiet, the bus stop is one block away. Ballston Metro is just over a mile— a five minute bus ride, ten minute bike ride, or 20-25 minute walk. 10 minute drive to DC. Close to shopping & public pool. Washer, dryer, dishwasher, ultra high-speed internet included. Share fully-equipped kitchen, living room with fireplace. Central air conditioning, street parking.
Rent includes all utilities. We cannot accommodate pets. Also, we request that housemates not keep alcohol in the house.
1 year lease also available at $650/mo.