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Domus Realty is not the biggest firm in the business. Its website, according to an email sent out by one of its principals this weekend, is “under deconstruction.” Its listed address is a Columbia Heights apartment.

But in one important area, Domus Realty is the unrivaled leader of its class: the job pitch.

A friend of mine—-not a current or aspiring broker, it should be noted—-received this weekend’s email with the fitting subject line: “Domus Realty — From Agony to Ecstasy.”

“Domus Realty is a small company focused on real people,” it begins harmlessly, “that is to say, on people with faults and weaknesses, with fears and apprehensions, instead of those with gifts and self-assurance and phony cheerfulness, on people with dark thoughts and simple wants rather than people with vanities and possessions.”

Go on.

“Domus seeks agents who loathe all talk of positive attitudes and delusional, self-generated confidence, and prefers agents who possess a deep-seated contempt toward such things. … Domus wants agents who have little knowledge and interest in the variety of social media tools … agents who on many days want to pick up their laptops or stupid iPads and throw them out the window, or on worse days to defenestrate themselves – worse days that are probably in the end better days.”

This is where excerpting becomes impossible, and the last few paragraphs must be reprinted in full.

Domus is interested in people who want to give notice to the world that if it does not soon remedy or cure its superficiality and its shallow notion of freedom and be less concerned with ‘devices’ and acquire some real depth and meaning they will leave it, and in time actually do leave it.

This is when the Domus agent, driven out of his or her mind and at the edge of despair, gets in their car and drives and drives until the road comes to an end and then continues on foot until they finally collapse, and there, where they collapse, they lay back and look up at the sky as though it’s the very first time they have seen it.

And there and then they suddenly realize, in looking thus at the sky, that it is a vast and profound thing, that it is astonishing and wonderful, that it is indeed where a god or gods range, and the earth is not a place owned and hoarded and divided up by metes and bounds but the site of our original abode, and lying there in despair looking up at the sky they are stirred into a sudden boundless joy and know now for the first time in their lives that a circle is infinitely more significant than a square, who out of this dread and metaphysical horror now see the world as a vast openness in which sky overarches earth like the wings of a god over its children, that air and breath are pure beauty and infinite happiness, that clear water resembles more an angel than something to wash their car with.

And then, lying there having collapsed running away from the world, a whole new attitude overcomes them, and their disgust for the world is not a disgust for the world itself but for what mass society has made of it, and they get up, brush off their pants, walk back to their car and drive back to the world they earlier fled, and reenter that world endowed with a new way of seeing things, with an open heart and open mind, with their previous feeling of disrespect turned now into a fresh new respect, and, after having driven back into the city, the people there are no longer mere empty automatons pursuing their own private satisfactions but are real people, actual live animal human people, who are frightened to death and in despair just as the Domus agent was before their epiphany, and that these unhappy people do not even know they are unhappy because they have successfully obstructed and forgot and neglected their unhappiness by watching TV and playing in the playground of the social media and “liking” things on their “devices,” that the people of the world need homes and need someone to find them one, someone who is now regenerated and sees the world with a depth and joy as never before.

If you are interested in becoming this sort of agent-priest for Domus Realty please call, etc. etc.

Who said the real estate business was boring?

Angel image via Shutterstock