Poste Moderne Brasserie
555 8th St. NW

Celery & dill-infused vodka
Bloody Mary caviar pearls
Horseradish caviar pearls
…and finished with an Old Bay-encrusted celery stick

Brian’s take: Mary’s Pearls is one classy drink. Just holding it in my hand I felt like a veritable member of the “Upper Crust,” and upon tasting it I was instantly transformed into the Queen of Sheba. This artini was devised by the virtuosic Rico, who is undoubtedly one of the pearls of Poste Modern. It is hands-down the best drink I’ve tasted in the competition thus far. It is the only artini that dares to embellish its martini-roots rather than forsake them, opting for substantial, savory ingredients like horseradish and celery over sugary-sweet stuff like cherries, lychees, and unicorn dust. “Mary’s Pearls” may not be magic, but it sure is a damn fine martini.

On a scale of 1-5 olive branches: 5

Ted’s take: Finally, an artini not geared towards the underage crowd. This drink not only contains an adult portion of alcohol—it rightfully boasts the most sophisticated marriage of flavors and taste-sensations this reviewer has noted in any of the experimental artinis it has been his pleasure (or duty) to quaff. Spicy, refreshing, sharp but simple—it’s a drink at which your parents wouldn’t scoff. Much of the credit, naturally, goes to Rico, who is a veritable maestro behind the bar, and with whom the laudable concept of “Mary’s Pearls” originated. The baron of bartenders, the Mayor of Martiniville, Rico is your man if you yearn for an artini that weds style with substance and won’t give you a sugar-high lasting more than four hours.

On a scale of 1-5 olive branches: 4.75

Artini neologism: “Complexicity.”