The Park
920 14th St. NW

Tanqueray gin
Bit of Chambord
Lemon juice
…and a splash of cranberry juice

Brian’s take: I enjoyed the Dolly Madison, but I have to say the drink was drowned out by the fierce lights and furious sound system that commanded The Park on the Thursday evening we visited. It was nice to finally have an artini that used gin—I’ve been hankering for something with a little more kick through all these “smooth” and “light” and “tasty” concoctions. Still, no amount of Tanqueray could compete with the sheer spectacle that lay before us: a party thrown by Lebron James, a fashion show, and a bouncer-to-patron ratio approaching 1 to 1. (The bouncers, I must say, were very courteous). I had a great time, of course, for a multitude of reasons, but I do wish I had a chance to ask Lebron what he thought of this dainty little artini. Because, you know, there’s nothing James loves more than a Dolly Madison.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 3.5

Ted’s take: Well, hey nonny nonny…it’s the Dolly Madison! Like its namesake, the drink sports a subtle sweetness, though unlike its namesake, it was not born on May 20, 1768. Like its namesake, it is pink in complexion, though unlike its namesake, it did not serve as First Lady of the United States between the years of 1809 and 1817. Like its namesake, the drink is likely to provoke a drunken rabble to strange acts of obscenity and violence–but unlike its namesake, it does not hail from a small Quaker community in the area now known as Guilford County, NC.

So much for Wikipedia. The real story with this beverage is one of sport & intrigue, blood & guts, rape & pillage. Rather like the Hope diamond, the Dolly Madison bears a savage and beautiful curse–it captivates the minds of men who would steal, kill–even die for it. It is a drink of high passion and fine chaos…a vortex of sinful pleasure & wicked kicks….

So go on, try the Dolly Madison. BUT BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR….

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 3