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Mark Bucher does not need a publicist to tell him whether he can tell a joke in public, which is one reason why, aside from his namesake sandwich, I like the founder and co-owner of BGR: The Burger Joint in Bethesda. Earlier this week, I went trolling for comments from chefs/mixologists/bartenders about Sens. Dianne Feinstein and Robert F. Bennett‘s attempts to mess with our four-day bender around Obama‘s inauguration.

Bucher was the only one to respond, perhaps because he had a “top notch research team” looking into the matter. Here’s what they (he?) found out about the senators from California (Feinstein) and Bennett (Utah).

It took some sleuth undercover work, but we discovered that Californians drink wine. Yup, they even grow the grapes there, and even the French say it’s pretty good. However, in the data collected by us in our extremely unscientific survey, [we learned that] wine sales hit ZERO after midnight in local bars. So it’s plainly simple, add wine spritzers to the late-night menus and it seems with some lobbying Ms. Feinstein should come around.

Oh yeah, her state reportedly will be out of money by March. Maybe if they let their own bars stay open a bit later and collect some more sales tax on our friends Mr. Absolut, Mr. Bombay Sapphire and Mr. Cuervo, her state would be out of the woods.

Oh, the state drink for California? PRUNE JUICE. Enough said.

As for Utah, they’ve banned certain ‘fruity’ alcoholic drinks. God forbid, and yes indeed, the Utah Department of Alcohol has…wait for it….three employees! I made this statistic up, but it sounds so good. I actually think polygamists should come to D.C. with all of their wives and party it up on inauguration eve. That’s a concept: Them coming to the home of the FBI, not the other way around!

Image by Flickr user vobios.