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If you haven’t heard already —- and I really hope that you’ve been spared —- Hannity, Ingraham, and other right-wing pit bulls have been attacking Obama for ordering his Ray’s Hell Burger with spicy mustard, which they see as elitist or French or something so drastic that it’ll mean the downfall of God and country. (MediaMatters has a decent breakdown of the right’s nervous breakdown over spicy mustard.)

But, really, why stop there? Why not go after Obama and all those other tree-hugging liberals who like to eat their hamburgers on fermented bread, which was created around 1,000 B.C. in ancient Egypt? I mean, c’mon Hannity, don’t you remember what those ancient Egyptians believed in? Math! Science! They probably didn’t believe in Jesus either. Oh, wait, Jesus wasn’t born yet. But still, they didn’t believe in Jesus! No one should ever, ever eat their hamburger on a bun!