BEHOLD THE MARINATED ARTICHOKE

Day #2 wasn’t a very nutritional day. (“Nutritional” day? Don’t I mean “nutritious” day? Whatever.) The problem with being an adult is that…well, you’re an adult and you can eat whatever you want. I mean, I like kale and cucumbers and quinoa and black beans and grapefruit and hummus and a whole host of healthy things, but I’d really rather just eat cookies and soy ice cream and baklava and Peanut Chews and, whenever possible, artichokes in any form. And, because I own my own home and dog, society thinks that’s okay! Good deal.

Monday, June 1, 2009
10:00 a.m. Vanilla tea and a curious artichoke toast.
Artichoke toast is a dish of my own invention. Toast + avocado + nutritional yeast + quartered and marinated artichoke hearts = why not? Meanwhile, my housemate inherited some vanilla tea from her brother when he joined the Peace Corps and moved to Ghana (or was it Botswana?), and somebody has to drink it.
5:00 p.m. – 5:17 p.m. Apple and peanut butter, an unspecified number of Terra Spiced Sweet Potato Chips, 7-10 Whole Foods Rosemary Crostini, a bowl of Kashi Golden Crunch w/ soy milk, and 10 oz. of Canada Dry ginger ale.
When you forget to eat for seven hours and find yourself in the kitchen with no real desire to “cook” a “meal,” unusual things happen. Also, if anyone out there is eyeing a bag of Terra Spiced Sweet Potato Chips, I heartily encourage you to put that bag down. I’ve brushed my teeth three times, smoked, showered, chewed gum, and slept since consuming them, and I can still taste them. It’s like someone coated my tongue, throat, and sinuses with a garlic/Old Bay paste. Is that what’s in these things? Old Bay? Someone with a functioning palate should let me know.
9:17 p.m. Whole Foods vegan blueberry muffin, 5 Whole Foods vegan Duplex Cookies, 16 oz. of Mango Sweet Leaf Green Tea, and 2 pieces of Spry sugarfree peppermint gum.
Early evening Whole Foods sugar binge while waiting for a show to start at the Galaxy Hut. I tried to buy something nutritious, but everything nutritious was too damned expensive (and too boring to eat). Also, I’m not typically a gumchewer – and certainly wouldn’t be caught dead under normal circumstances buying a sugarfree yuppie gum at Whole Foods – but goddamn! The taste of those Terra Spiced Sweet Potato Chips does linger.
11:04 p.m. 1 Parliament cigarette.
Cigarettes are food too, especially Parliaments with stylish recessed filters bummed from music critics at the Galaxy Hut. What is this, 1997? At least it wasn’t mentholated.
1:32 a.m. 5-10 additional Whole Foods vegan Duplex Cookies.
No day is complete without 5-15 cookies, and the more cookies you eat close to bedtime, the sweeter your dreams.