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Food is annoying. It’s expensive. It smells. It gets stuck in your teeth. It runs away when you try to kill it. It doesn’t cooperate when you try and grow it. When you photograph it, it looks unappetizing. And, if you manage to procure some and eat it, your body turns it to shit.

If you are sick of food and seek spiritual-y enlightenment, why not explore breatharianism, aka inedia (aka fasting) as practiced by fringe new age figures? Jasmuheen, an Australian almost-guru who survives on liquids and her environment’s prana (“life-force”), and Wiley Brooks, a semi-visionary who eats nothing save for the occasional junk-food binge, rock a no-calorie lifestyle that allegedly results in innerish peace, vibration-y unity, and, in Mr. Brooks case, the population of “Earth Prime” which, if nothing else, is a really good name for a band. Is this shit for real? Maybe not, but in a world where Alice in Chains can reunite, anything can happen.

I’m not a big fan of linking to Wikipedia, but fuck it. But don’t try breatharianism at home, as many breatharians have starved to death. Also, if you’re a male model or a teenage girl, please do not become anorexic after reading this. I’ve dated a bunch of anorexic male models and anorexic teens and, let me tell you, it’s a fucking drag, especially the male models when their hair starts falling out.

Below, watch a jock call the Breatharian Institute if you so desire. It sounds funnier than it is, though.