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DEMON DUPLEX

Throughout Day #3, I felt my choices about food were affected by the knowledge that I would have to write about them. Thus, like the electron, I note that my behavior cannot be observed without being changed. My trip to Soul Vegetarian on Georgia Avenue was particularly gratuitous. I haven’t been to Soul Veg for many months, maybe years, and would never go unless I needed to generate blog fodder. So don’t anyone out there start thinking of me as a militant, flatulent vegan who’s always craving vegan mac & cheese, cooking with nutritional yeast, attending Food Not Bombs functions, and eating at Soul Veg. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m just not that type of guy. Instead, think of me as type of guy who’s gonna run you out of a pot even though you flopped top pair and a good draw because you suspect – just suspect, but can’t quite be sure – that I’ve got the stone cold nuts (say, the nut flush, or the nut straight or, if the board is paired, three of a kind).

Tuesday, June 2, 2009
9:17 a.m. Trader Joe’s White Pomegranate Tea, Hot.
I only go to Trader Joe’s when I’m on the way to one particularly dangerous card game, so this tea must be left over from the last time I dropped $400. That makes it a bitter tea indeed.
10:15 a.m. – Honest Organic Lemon Black Tea, Iced.
That’s right, more tea, but iced this time. It’s tough to find an appropriate chilled drink – I don’t really ever want soda in the daytime, but water is way too boring.
1:17 p.m. Soul Vegetarian’s Vegan Blueberry Cheesecake.
Why not visit Soul Veg and check on the lengthy wait for a Moses Burger and the begrudging customer service?
3:35 p.m. Vitamin Water (Essential B)
Is Vitamin Water poison? Let’s just say that the jokey “liner notes” on the side of the bottle aren’t easing my mind. Anyway, it’s a sweet, delicious poison I’d be happy to die from. I’ll bet Socrates wished his hemlock had tasted this good.
5:17 p.m. Chuckles and a Planters Peanut Bar.
Fruits of The Washington Post’s fertile vending machine, as previously discussed.
7:15 p.m. Soul Vegetarian Moses Burger and Green Tea.
For some reason, I didn’t consume my Soul Veg Moses Burger at Soul Veg, but carried it around all day and ate it six hours later after microwaving it. The human mind’s a funny thing. The Moses Burger wasn’t any worse for the wait. Then again, it wasn’t any better, either. And that’s right, more tea. Gotta stay awake on the Post night shift. I once fell asleep in full view of the editor of my section, but he couldn’t confirm that I was asleep from an independent source, so my job was saved.
9:45 p.m. One piece of Spry sugarfree peppermint gum.
To those lucky enough to still have yesterday’s gum: chew at will!
12:00 a.m. 5-15 Whole Foods vegan Duplex Cookies.
Though my dog begs every night, it’s unlikely he will ever get a Whole Foods vegan Duplex. He could, however, steal one when I’m not looking. But, oh, I have watchful eyes, and they are many, like Cerberus’.