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I thought this Atlantic post called “This Milk is Alive” would be an informative discussion about the virtues (or lack of same) of raw (aka unpasteurized) milk. But lo and behold it’s merely a “That’s Incredible!” kind of story about an English dairy that’s (allegedly) hired a tenor to sing to its cows, thus (allegedly) improving the quality of the gelato they produce (though the whole thing sounds (get it? sounds? because the tenor sings? this is some Pulitzer-prize winning shit!) like a publicity stunt, as the incredibly-famous, unfortunately-named Atlantic food blogger “Corby Kummer” wisely points out.

Kummer’s post (heh heh) does present a problem to vegans. OK, you’re a vegan who won’t drink milk, whatever. But what about raw milk? Ok, you’re a pain in the ass and you won’t drink raw milk either. But what about raw, free-range milk? Oh, all right, you’re really committed to your ideology and love Earth Crisis and don’t trust that “free-range” products are really “free-range” because, unlike “organic,” there’s no FDA definition of “free-range.” But what about raw, free-range milk that’s been sung to? That sounds like a pretty good life for those cows, vegans, so get on board and drink some of that sung-to milk, and maybe even have gelato if you’re not too much of a fucking asshole ideologue planning to blow up a McDonalds.