Welcome to the fifth and final day of “One Man’s Bread!” It’s been a wild ride, but I’m looking forward to unsupervised eating for the rest of my days. With no one looking over my shoulder, I can eat vegetables and whole grains without hurting my image.

Without further ado:

Thursday, June 4, 2009 10:37 a.m. 5-7 Whole Foods vegan Duplex Creme Cookies and Trader Joe’s White Pomegranate Tea. It’s become less funny to write about how frequently I eat cookies, so let’s just say I ate a lot of cookies and leave it at that. 2:15 p.m. 5-7 Whole Foods vegan Duplex Cookies. 3:47 p.m. Leftovers from Sunday’s curious home-cooked meal. That meal was cous-cous, kidney beans, and green pepper, if you don’t remember. 4:42 p.m. More Trader Joe’s White Pomegranate Tea. (Please read the following in an Irish accent): Unseasonably cool, yesterday, wasn’t it, walkin’ the dog and gettin’ a chill in thee olde bones and needin’ some tea to take the chill off? But the dog doesn’t care how cool it is outside – he wants his walk twice a day in any under any class of conditions – snow, rain, sleet, hail, earthquake, anthrax attack, swine flu. Even if yer wantin’ to go see X-Men Origins: Wolverine or Terminator: Salvation, the dog doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about movies or media or the postmodern condition, only about walks and food and shittin’ in peace without the cat next door sneaking up to scratch him, may Mary Mother o’ God protect him! (End Irish accent.) 7:18 p.m. 5-7 Brussles sprouts. Also leftover from Sunday. 11:01 p.m. 5-7 Whole Foods vegan Duplex Creme Cookies. 11:45 p.m. 2 Tofutti Cuties. Unbeknownst to be, Tofutti Cuties had been hiding in my freezer under assumed names like chocolate-y participants in a Delicious Treats Protection Program. Needless to say, once these Cuties were discovered, they were torn to pieces by the coordinated operation of my upper jaw, lower jaw, salivary glands, tongue, and teeth, and swallowed without as much as a thought.