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Hey all you vegetarians, raw foodists, posi-eaters, fruit apologists, Whole Foods shoppers, Jamba Juice drinkers, produce aisle lurkers, and fruit fetishists: get off of your healthy high horse! The Environmental Working Group has published a hypochondriac-friendly Shopper’s Guide to Pesticides that will leave sweet bell pepper, apple, and (especially) peach enthusiasts chagrined/scheduling appointments with their physicians to search for any and all relevant cancers. (The peach scored a 100 out of 100, making it the most pesticide-ridden fruit on a scale whose methodology is not detailed in the linked article. Obviously, journalistic standards are a bit low here.) Anyone sticking bananas in their a-holes and/or woo-hoos can celebrate, though – bananas only scored a 34, making it a (relatively) pesticide-free fruit. Onions are the least pesticide-y veg – they scored a 1 on the mysterious 1 to 100 scale. Is this such a surprise? What free-roaming critter wants to dig up an onion when they can feast on a peach hanging low in a peach orchard? I’ve seen a lot of things in my 32 years, but I’ve never seen a rabbit or raccoon chompin’ down on an onion, that’s for sure, unless they had a skillet to fry it in and some garlic to fry it with, not to mention some frijoles and rice and avocado to make some burritos (avocados are the second-least pesticide-y veg, making burritos pretty pesticide free, unless you put some tomatoes (29 out of 100) on them.)