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On the heels of my recent post about Fairfax’s greasy-sewer lawsuit against Krispy Kreme, the company is teaming up with Dunkin’ Donuts to offer (you guessed it) free doughnuts for (you guessed it) National Doughnut Day. Question: is National Doughnut Day something we should have? I’m onboard for Presidents Day, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Arbor Day, Take-Your-Kids-To Work Day, Secretaries Day (sorry, Administrative Professionals Day), Thanksgiving, Ramadan, Yom Kippur, Kwanzaa, and Christmas. But there’s a day that fat-ass diabetic Americans get free doughnuts courtesy of two enormous scary corporate doughnut-makers?

But maybe I shouldn’t be so cynical: the Alternative Health Journal reports that National Doughnut Day isn’t the creation of scary LLC’s, but, in fact, was created during WWI to “commemorat[e] Salvation Army volunteers who braved the front lines in order to provide home cooked foods as a morale boost to soldiers” since doughnuts “made in those days were often times cooked inside of the metal helmets of American soldiers,” earning them the nickname “doughboys.” Now that’s some historical shit. Marvel at that knowledge I just dropped for awhile, then somebody write and tell me why the fuck the Alternative Health Journal is writing about doughnuts. Boston Cremes aren’t really in the Neti pot/patchouli aisle at my local grocery, you know?

Bonus link: Any copy editors out there can tune-in to this discussion of “doughnut” vs. “donut” before going home early after not going on a date. Be sure to heat up a microwave meal and eat it alone before sinking into your moldy couch with your cum-encrusted laptop to play the RPG game of your choice. (Sorry, the thing about the cum-covered laptop is a bit much, I know.)