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Today Science Daily is out with scary results about pregnant mice exposed to BPA, the scary chemical linked to scary plastic water bottles. Apparently, injections of BPA into pregnant mice make the mice subsequently infertile. This is all inconclusive of course, but not so inconclusive as to cause this directive: “We don’t know what a safe level of BPA is, so pregnant women should avoid BPA exposure.”

Add it to the list of don’ts unless you are an uncaring, neglectful not-quite mother (caution: rant is on the way):

  • Fish: tuna, of course, but just to be safe, swordfish and, well, everything but salmon. On second thought, eighty-six the salmon, too.
  • Deli meats: Probably won’t kill ya, but there’s some weird chemical in there that isn’t good. So don’t eat them.
  • Red meats: Cook them to the point of jerky, just to be safe.
  • Unpasteurized cheeses: Most cheeses in the U.S. are pasteurized, but if you can’t tell by looking at the package, forget it.
  • Wine and beer: Just about every other country but the U.S. says spirits are OK in moderation (a couple of drinks a week). Try that as a visibly pregnant gal in America, and count the hairy eyeballs you get from friends, family, and strangers. Never mind your mom practically IV’d peppermint schnapps and smoked menthols when she was cooking you; if YOU indulge in one glass of Champagne to toast a dead grandma, well, “I just don’t think you should be drinking.” Thanks, mom.
  • Kitty litter: Stay away from it. And definitely don’t eat it.

I get it. I do. I’m of what I’m told is an ADVANCED age (36) and don’t want my fetus to come out furry or missing parts. I’m on the wagon with all of the above cautions, but my gut says it’s all a bit much. The day Science Daily or my OB or any of the several advice-givers in my life (mom) tells me to stop with the McDonald’s milkshakes because of some lame argument about what it will do to my unborn child, I’m going to grow a couple of my own hairy eyeballs and unleash the fury.

Caution: End of rant.

Photograph not of my fetus by mobeans.