Honest Abe was attacked again.
If you’ll recall, back in May when H Street Country Club first opened, I tried to warn owner Joe Englert that several holes were vulnerable to attack from drunk duffers. He brushed it off like so much pet hair, saying the statuary on his putt-putt course, particularly the gruesome dead presidents on Hole No. 5, could withstand the punishment of Satan’s army.
Well, apparently not.
Just weeks after opening, some asshole broke the hands off the rotting skeleton of President Lincoln — and that’s not even the worst of it. “Someone tried to skull fuck Abraham Lincoln,” Englert notes. I’d prefer not to explain how this could be done to artist Lee T. Wheeler‘s statue, but let’s just say there’s a wide-diameter bullet hole in Honest Abe’s skull.
Englert’s shocked, too, which is saying something for him.
Whether due to unwanted advances toward dead presidents or just poor design, H Street Country Club’s owners have been forced to alter several holes since opening day, Englert says. All but one of the dead presidents, for instance, have now been moved outside the coffin that outlines Hole No. 5.
Hole No. 4, in which you putt across a glassy Reflecting Pool and up the stairs of the Lincoln Memorial, has been altered to include AstroTurf on the previously wooden entrance to the monument. And with a simple rerouting of a drain pipe, Hole No. 3 no longer sends your ball bouncing across the golf course when you putt up the ramp of the National Cathedral.
Other changes are coming, too, Englert says, including adding gray AstroTurf to Hole. No. 7 in which you now have to put across concrete and between the legs of a D.C. meter reader.
It’s just Englert’s style to adapt, he says. “I will change at the drop of a hat,” Englert crows.
So Englert? Can I say it now? I told you so.
“You didn’t say that. You said Michael Jackson was going to live to be 100,” Englert responds.