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Answer: President Obama drinking Bud Light.

(I told you I wouldn’t let this die.) I don’t know if I should have seen it coming, but this light-beer position is even less excusable than, I don’t know, torture. Light beer — especially the mass-produced variety— is less flavorful and less potent than “regular” beer. From both an alcoholic and ingredient standpoint, it is literally watered down. And don’t even dream of playing the “drinkability” card; it’s not as if regular Bud is some buxom elixir that is delicious but too rich for refreshment. If it can be funneled, it has drinkability.

The Woman’s Christian Temperance Union adds another cloud to the picnic, lobbying for the beers to be swapped for lemonade. Fine, WCTU, I’d take a virgin Tom Collins over a fizzy light beer. But this quote in the same article, from local crazy Rocky Twyman (founder of Pray at the Pump, a group that prayed for lower gas prices), is, shall we say, harder to take:

“Studies show that alcoholism leads our previous youth to use harder drugs like cocaine that is responsible for vicious youth crimes, especially in inner-city America that gave Obama large electoral margins,” said Twyman.

I’m not gonna even touch that one. Cleanse your mind with some doggie sex toys, courtesy of The Sexist.

Photo by √oxéfx via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License